I wonder if those who read my journal realize I do this every year in the last week of september.
It isn't so much that I care whether or not people notice.. just curious as almost every year for the last 7 or 8... I've posted this week, just to address how much I hate this week.
Every single day of my life is a mournful reminder of a lost friend. Every year, this week is a mournful reminder of the day the world lost her. I know the world is a worse place because she isn't in it.
I figure now that the official legal deed is done, we should get to talking about it.
Debbie and I are greedy and impatient people. All at the same time! How fucking fantastic is that. Ok, so maybe in the long scheme of things it sounds like a bad thing, and I know there are some friends out there who have some reservations... and as with everything my life has done in the last 6 months, I respect those opinions and I just hope you remain content to be happy with my happiness.
Shortly after Debbie and I got back together, the collective decision was to be engaged. I think both of us were on exceptionally shaky ground. I know I was, and from everything I learned, she was too. There was a very sturdy foundation in the idea of not letting go of each other forever. I'm sure in some psychology textbook it would be referred to as 'overcompensation', but the truth of the matter was I didn't want to be away from her. Still don't, obviously.
As time went on these last couple months, and we were spending the amount of time one would expect together. (Read: Much of it) Things changed from the way they were. Our communication went skyrocketing. My quirks and flaws as well as hers came bubbling to the surface, and where they could be discussed, they were. Where they had to be tolerated, they were. Things that both of us took for granted started becoming clearer and the things that we had barely noticed started to become obvious. I know this sounds like a bunch of poetic malarky, but it was as real as I can possibly give it words. Where I was exceptionally nervous that we were just overcompensating before... it didn't take long to recognize that we both were going to go through hell, and seriously having a great time at it, in fixing our problems to make ourselves (and our relationship) better.
We had wedding plans set for early January. Take no offense that you weren't invited. It was/is small. It's a handful of people to see us put on some rings and a big dinner to bring family together. We just (surprisingly for me) don't want the big pomp. We were both content with the idea of early January. We did a little research about maybe doing the actual legaleze a touch earlier just for tax purposes.. but in the end it didn't matter.
As with everything, eh, there's an angle. There is a certain gameshow that is filming now that we have a really great shot of getting on, that needs us to be married. I'm not saying the name, but it is the one gameshow you need to be married to be on. Soooooo... there you go. It fits with our greed and impatience.
From a person who has a very minimal amount of spirituality, and a high amount of hedonism, the idea of pushing the actual MARRIAGE (legal word) to now was a no brainer. The celebration and pronouncement to each other, and rings, and blase blase, the CEREMONY (fun word) will be when we decide it is.
So there's the story. The marriage is real. The love behind it is real. Everything about this entire f'n story is real. For selfish reasons, we decided that we wanted to get the paperwork out of the way and begin living our next chapter our way.
On some sort of routine traffic stop in Idaho, a sheriff checked him out and somehow got word that there was a missing persons list for him. Perhaps his license plate. Perhaps even the news reports that have been on Ron & Fez, ABC-NY, and a dozen websites. Either way, the cop told him that there is a world of people looking for him. He was traveling across the country and wasn't stopping until he hit Seattle.
I can't help be annoyed.
Look, I am thrilled for his mother and sister. I am NOT wishing negative on him at all, nor was I hoping in any way that negative things had happened to him. I just feel that for the last 8 days there has been HUNDREDS of people worried over the guy. I dealt with Debbie being VERY upset over the entire situation. I saw his mother cry on television.
All of it would have been countered with a single text message. A single word to his bosses. Something. A brief mention to his mother before he left last Tuesday.
I hope whatever made him jump up and travel across country is what he needed - and I hope he found or finds whatever it is he is looking for.
It really does bother me though that the time and effort put into finding someone that wasn't lost won't hurt the chances the NEXT time somebody REALLY goes missing. That people won't look back at the FACEBOOK THAT CRIED WOLF and consider that it might be a waste of their time.
Above all things, I'm very happy for his mother and sister for not having lost their family to something horrendous. I kinda feel like a dupe though.
Started showin Debbie Babylon 5... Good times indeed, I forgot how great the show gets once they get into the meat of it.
This weekend was spent going places and pricing out/organizing a wedding. I would totally say that I'm exceptionally anxious and freaking out about the costs... but I'm not!? How the fuck is that?!
I haven't talked a lot about the reuniting of Debbie and myself, so maybe I'll address it a little bit here.
Aside from the starry-eyed romanticism that I would like to attribute how happy I've been too - it hasn't been just that. Not at all. In the past, when one of us disagreed, had a problem, etc - the arguments would either never happen, which left us to stew in it - or they would turn into these huge mega blowouts that didn't compare to the issue we were discussing. Most of the reason for that is that we would have SO much anger and annoyance built up from the arguments that we had just left to stew.
Since we've gotten back together, there have been a handful of times where there was some disagreement bubbling up. Normally, we would shut up or get louder - now we (OMG!) talk about it. Yeah, we have totally gotten annoyed with something the other has said, but there has YET to be a time where we don't walk away from the argument feeling that we both got heard and AT LEAST acknowledged.
It isn't so simple as 'it just happened' though. We're talking about the process of how we communicate, and readjusting as we need to. Trying to not use easily barbed trigger words to get the other pissed off on purpose. I would love to say its easy, but it isn't...
The end results though have been fantastic.
Aside from me not freaking out over how much even a teeny tiny wedding costs - all is well. ;)
This whole last few months have been a treasure trove of growing up on the part of the good Reverend.
Recently I've been putting tons of focus on getting bills right. I'm not great with money... by NO stretch of the imagination. I've done ok for myself in the past, but a bit of it I have to thank the kindness of friends and loved ones, and other parts come down to sheer dumb luck.
I'm crawling towards being able to be utterly self-sufficient in this regard, and let me tell you how long I have been UNABLE to say that.
I figured out a system that after I saw it - I pondered how come the rest of the world doesn't do it... but, there is the possibility that everybody DOES and I'm just a moron, so I figured if I wrote it out, people could tell me why nobody (or everybody) does this.
I'm now paying as many of my bills as possible on the first of the month. So instead of waiting until my car insurance is due on the 25th, I pay it on the 1st.. and its done. Tada. Now if there is some snafu in my finances, I'm not killing myself on the 24th wondering how I'm going to pay it - or hoping that they'll let me lapse til the 27th. It means that if on the 1st I'm a little strapped... I can wait til my next paycheck and just pay it. No stress.
I don't have TONS of bills, honestly. Couple monthlies and a couple debts. If I'm putting all this money towards the bills & debts at the beginning of the month with my first paycheck - then the rest of the month, I'm not chomping at the bit!
Does everyone do this and not talk about it? Is there a drawback that I'm missing?
Toy Story 3 is so far my favorite movie of the year. The cartoon before it might be my favorite cartoon of the decade, and is easily the most inventive use of mixed 2d and 3d animation I have EVER seen.
It has really gotten to the point where I have driven lines in the sane in my brain about things I love. I mean, if I turn on a hippity hop station, just because it is not in the genres that I lean towards - I'm not going to outright hate it like some people. I'll give it a listen, although if the hook is completely based on someone elses sample... ehhh, gonna be harder for me to like it. Doesn't take it completely out of the running though.
I read an article last week that Google is going to be starting their own music company to compete with iTunes. Now, ask anyone around.. I HAAAATE iTunes. I find the software invasive. I dislike the way it organizes music. I dislike how it fights with other media players on my computer. I could go on and on. I just DON'T like the software. I use FOOBAR and retag all my music with TAG & RENAME. Tada.
I don't DESPISE Apple.. but I'm just not a fan of some of their business practices when it comes to the more intelligent end user. I don't need things in big bright shiny buttons all the time. I don't want DRM or the inability to use FLASH. Limiting how I use my machine or product is only going to make me grumpy about having bought it in the first place. It is the complete reason I won't get an iPad, an iPhone, a Kindle, or something else I have to BREAK to use EFFICENTLY.
But now I find myself enjoying everything Google does. Their online apps are EXQUISITE. The embedding systems are POI'FECT. A Droid OS sounds like it is an amazing phone as an alternative to the iPhone. Their new music system.. I'll definitely check it out!
I'm not a hater type. I don't involve myself in garbage arguments about PC OR MAC or XBOX OR PS3.. because they are USELESS and BORING and there is no way a MAC user is going to convince me to ditch my PC.. and I know I'll never convince someone the other, nor do I care to.
But I do find myself personally loving Pixar because they are Pixar. Using anything google because it is google.
So yes - I more or less just wrote a two page post about brand loyalty and that I've only somehow discovered it.. heh.
I've been enjoying Debbie's company again - and we're talking seriously about serious things.
It isn't just flowers and puppies either. We're running the gamut into the deep emotional abyss and getting each other upset at times just so we understand where we're at. It's good, and it is clearly evolution of where we've been. It is a great start to the beginning of a life together.
I wish I could say I've been doing other stuff, but I really allowed myself for the last two weeks to have my head crammed wholly into Debbie-land. Of course did my comics and got a little bit of extra work done, but not as much as I was getting done. I honestly expected this.. and the honeymoon phase is awesome, so I'm enjoying it. I will swing back into work mode shortly - right now it is just nice to be happy.
Tonight is Toy Story 3... I've heard it is incredible... and that I'll be weeping openly for the last half hour.
Oook - so JAYMIEEE - YOU HAVE SOME SPLAIN'N TO DO!
For those who don't keep up with my glorious life or Facebook, here's the skinny. Debbie and I are engaged.
Oh, isn't it funny how my last post said that we were taking things slow. Yeah.. I knew we were engaged when I posted that too. I wasn't trying to lie or obfuscate, but we didn't want the world to know just yet as we had to tell family and friends first.
Here's the story if you care to know.
I went over there on night one and it started shitty since we hadn't seen each other in a month or so.. and by the end it was a blubberfest of epic proportions. Crying on shoulders and whatnot.
Next time we hung out, the following Sunday, we went right into the emotional blatherings and what started as 'We will date again' morphed into 'We are dating again.'
We set up a "first date" for Tuesday at this amazing italian joint in Somerville and dressed up for it. Walked arms linked. It was cute and sweet. Dinner became BAGGAGE DROP! where both of us put all of our cards on the table. The faults we find in each other. The stupid crap we've done. All of it. So much of it was communication that at times I'm surprised I wasn't speaking Klingon and she was making clicky noises.
After 3 hours of dinner conversation the topics started to get muy serious so we headed back to the apartment and thats when we agreed that we just weren't looking for anyone else. We didn't want to look for anyone else. Game over.
Oh - and yes - this is really fast. This is rocketspeed fast, and there is the potential for high red danger in there. I know it. We have six months before we can consider living together again and we have no ends of things to talk about, but both of us are happy. I have been fighting for the last week to try and find a word for the happy I got kicking right now - and the only thing that has even scratched the happy surface is 'euphoric'.
As I said last time - I know some people are going to raise an eyebrow and a questionable thought. You have every right to them. This has been a horrible rollercoaster, and I know you guys give a fuck about my well being - to which I am immensely greatful.
Worries, concerns, doubts aside - know that I'm in love and I'm thrilled.